ukulelekatie:

oh hi thanks for checking in I’m still a piece of garbage

alrightinthebayou:

so apparently when my sister and i were little we took golfing classes and we got kicked out after a week. the reason being that the old white male instructor kept calling my 4 year old sister Maria “Mary” after she told him several times that her name is pronounced Maria. anyway, at one point, he tells her “well, that doesn’t matter anymore. you’re in America now.” and that distressed my sister so much that she hit him with her golf club.

that’s not what did the damage, though. what fucked that old dude up is that i saw my sister hit him from where i was standing and i ran over and started beating him with MY golf club. my mom says that i didn’t know what the hell was happening, but i squared up.

that’s why we got kicked out.

(Source: alrightintheworld, via confirmance)

wancemcwain:

quasi-normalcy:

noctumsolis:

lesbianshepard:

lesbianshepard:

lesbianshepard:

do flat earthers think earth still moves in space like some sort of planet sized frisbee 

this is my new religion god made the frisbee-earth and then just tossed us into the abyss 

the world ends when his dog catches it

As cosmogonies go I’ve seen worse.

Two great, but opposed, celestial forces: God, who created the world, and Dog, who will end it

the norse were onto something

(via five-flats)

sukkanen:

sukkanen:

nose

beep boop nose

(via constable-connor-deactivated201)

gardenoffish:

“Boohoo let me play you despacito on the worlds smallest Alexa”

“This is serious!”

“I know this really is the worlds smallest Alexa”

(via ghostrally)